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Chelsea B.E.

My desire to be good enough grew bigger than my desire for God

Posted in faith

In grace, He leads you where you didn’t plan to go in order to produce in you what you couldn’t achieve on your own. In these moments, He works to alter the values of your heart so that you let go of your little kingdom of one and give yourself to His kingdom of glory and grace. Paul David Tripp

It’s difficult to pinpoint when it began — the uprooting of self and replanting of God’s fullness.

We are all made up of unique upbringings, personalities, and passions, with an implanted desire for Someone Greater. Personally, it’s fascinating to encounter humans of all kinds, their stories, and how God helps them work out their salvationIf you asked me today what has colored my life most often, in various hues at different times, I would say fear of man.

Ed Welch helps clarify what fear of man entails:

“Fear” in the Biblical sense is a much broader word. It includes being afraid of someone, but it extends to holding someone in awe, being controlled or mastered by people, worshipping other people, putting your trust in people, or needing people… We exalt them and their perceived power above God. We worship them as ones who have God-like exposing gazes (shame-fear) or God-like ability to “fill” us with esteem, love, admiration, acceptance, respect, and other psychological desires (rejection-fear).

In my experience, living this [false] belief of ‘people are bigger than God’ bears fruit of anxiety and pride. Growing up in church weekly and attending a Christian school, it surfaced in the pressure of prioritizing appearances and managing perceptions. I was happy when feeling like I was doing great for God, but when I wasn’t, I felt terrible. So I strived to always be ‘good.’ By my teenage years, the belief system had grown deep roots: I knew what I should do, and as long as I continued, I would be good enough. Good enough for God, good enough for other people, good enough to believe I was strong, beautiful, or capable.




Gradually, my desire to be good enough grew bigger than my desire for God.

I just didn’t know it at the time.

Life became shoulds and shouldn’ts, and believing myself worthy became the foundation of my identity and my joy.

Maintaining approval, from God and others, became my measuring stick for godliness. 

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small changes that help me as I cook

Posted in home

Honesty time: cooking is not my favorite thing to do.

I am growing in meal-creating knowledge, hallelujah, and I’m truly happy to serve my family this way. But meal planning, grocery shopping, preparation, wisdom to use ingredients with completely different recipes…. not necessarily a fountain of joy for me.

Anyone else?

I confess I even ask God for help in this area. He’s Provider and Helper, so He’s gracious.

Here I share a few small changes I made tin my role as Predominant Meal Creator in our home:

I always try to start with an empty sink and dishwasher.

This didn’t hit home with me at first.. until the first few days I implemented it. Then I told J it’s a new kitchen rule. It seems tedious to clean before you start cooking, knowing you will ‘dirty up’ many more dishes, BUT it’s worth it when you can chop or prepare and immediately put a dish into the dishwasher, out of sight.

I’m a (although not perfectly executing) clean counters are happy counters girl. I’m also the girl who likes to clean up as much as possible before J and I get settled in on the couch reading or watching a movie, to eventually fall asleep there, and mosey our way to the bed. No one wants to clean the kitchen at 10:30pm. No one in our house anyway.

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Valentine’s Day Toaster Strudels

Posted in food

Who didn’t enjoy toaster strudels as a child? I was the weird kid who only wanted the warm pastry with a little icing on top, so I’d eat around the edges and leave the filling for another family member.

They did not disappoint. It was easy to make, and even yummier to eat. The entire time, we were brainstorming aloud, “I bet we could add this or that into these things.” or “What do you think about a topping?”

With puff pastry sheets and your favorite jam or savory filling, they are a unique (but simple) breakfast.

Our choices for fillings included homemade strawberry jam, Apple Barn strawberry jam, Apple Barn apple butter, and my family’s homemade muscadine

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